Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
