so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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