We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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