you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
