clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
