The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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