she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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