Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
