..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
