Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She bit a glass in half.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
