I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My dick has a subreddit
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
