I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
