First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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