have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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