I'm eating all of the evidence.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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