May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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