Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
