I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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