I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize