No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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