Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize