Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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