im drinking this country out of the recession.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So many bounce houses so little time
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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