Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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