Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
