Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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