I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
