my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
