Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
