The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
