Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
