So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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