even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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