he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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