I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
