How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I want her autograph on my taint
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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