Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize