Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
