I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize