wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
