I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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