DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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