dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
third nipple confirmed
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
