Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
