I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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