Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
