he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
