OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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