I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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