Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
