Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
