I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
