im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
