Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
