have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize