Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
