I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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