She is in my trunk
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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