I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
