So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
