Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
