i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
