I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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