he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We are two peas in an std pod
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
