fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
soo... how was my night?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
