I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
