does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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