The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
