Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
